Part 3 of 3
Welcome to the punchline.
A stack of open books that surely contain all the answers we seek courtesy of Pexels.com
Define success:
It depends who you ask, doesn’t it?
Is success being wealthy, or is success keeping your ish together in a free fall and landing on your feet? Is it an inheritance or the ability to walk away from strangers trolling you on the web? Maybe it’s both.
Two things can be true.
The Important Question Is:
How do YOU define success?
I have been so busy in this life trying to achieve in ways that do not feel authentic to me - not because I want a fancy house or a big title- I truly do not care about those things.
I wanted people to be proud of me - who doesn’t matter as much as the fact that they were “out there” and the approval I was seeking was something I needed to find “in here".
If you’re seeking external validation and you fail at capitalism, you can be convinced you are not worth anything because capitalism says so.
But that is a trick the universe has to play on a someone else.
I already began my internal quest for self love.
I discovered that I seek to be respected, and to be known as someone who has integrity. I desire to be loving and kind, but I will cut you off at the knees if I need to defend what I believe needs protecting, and injustice is something that I find genuinely infuriating. I have a strong sense about injustice, and my desire to protect others is a trait I honed as the oldest child.
I hope that’s what people think of when they think of me. Maybe they laugh, because I love to laugh, too.
Not to be mean, to be joyful. It’s genuine. Always.
I do love sarcasm, and I may be a little bit autistic, so it may be hard to see that as loving all the time because my perspective is … odd.
But most of my life?
I was running from the voices in my head
I’ve been trying to literally disprove the voices in my head all of my life. Those who programmed were prolific communicators, so I had a lot of work to do to clean out what was cluttering my perspective.
I grew, outgrew, and regrew my own roots.
Grounded myself.
Figured out what balance was, without anyone else.
I keep finding ways to tend to the pain and the hurt.
Fortunately, they also show up less and less frequently - interesting how loving yourself really can quiet those tapes.
Why I’m telling you MY Success Story
This was beyond hard - physically, emotionally, psychologically.
It was awful some days. It felt perpetual and inescapable. It was and is so lonely - this is a story that gets you ostracized, recovery from this isn’t celebrated like a health recovery is celebrated for those who contend and conquer an illness.
Loss of this level freaks most of us out. It freaked us out.
It scares people.
Just the words make them run away - way before the reality is an issue they have to contend with.
That’s why I am proud of how we handled it - we owned up to everything, we ran from nothing.
We gave grace and received grace.
How did we do it?
Through all of it, I never got that anxious feeling in my body again - the angst that indicated something was wrong.
All my life, my body would scream like a siren when I was doing things that were out of alignment, but not through this.
In fact, the opposite was true through this experience, and I marveled most of the time witnessing it.
My body is calm.
It's why I describe the experience as failing capitalism, not failing at life.
Because you see, Dear Reader,
I am healthier, happier, and more content now than I have EVER BEEN in my whole entire life on this planet, and my body reflects that truth.
It sounds nuts, but it’s how I found myself here.
I feel GOOD.
I am following my heart, and my intuition.
A woman meditating on a beach at sunset, with her arms raised to the sky courtesy of Pexels.com.
A Faith-Based Trust Fall
I am on a spiritual quest for Self Sovereignty.
I want the peace I know to endure through my next lifetimes.
I relish the idea of being abundant and in community with high vibrational beings in this lifetime. Seeking to share time and space with like-minded people who are optimistic and believe in miracles, just like me.
I am on a path to find these people now.
My intuition led me here, and continues to lead me forward - with confidence - through something that looks like chaos, especially from the outside.
But I have never been so clear on purpose in my life - and y’all I have been searching for “clarity” specifically for the last 8 years and counting.
I am
Calm.
Hydrated.
Tended.
I never lost myself, my ability to find joy, or my connection to spirit.
I am grateful.
Valentine’s Day 2026. How’s that for a metaphor?
Pic by author.
My Partner Is God-Sent
He understands teamwork and he is an amazing leader, and he will make things move forward with his strength of will. He pushed through hurdles over and over through this experience to help us find a path out.
He tends and loves me and he honors and respects me, and I am so grateful for his partnership and his example. His wisdom in dark times is endless, and his heart is unmatched.
He’s always got wisdom, but the crisis management wisdom really came through over and over again.
I am proud of how he and I managed, survived, and found our way - not crashing out, dragging anyone down, or hurting each other because we were in our own agony.
We’re still married!
Seriously, this is one of my biggest points of pride.
IT WAS HARD not to turn on each other, and we found our way through. We are okay and whole and rebuilding together.
It was a season of shedding - letting go of things that should not be in our world or on our path any more for all sorts of reasons. That got scary - how much would go?
At times, it was too close to the edge for either of us. We had to work to step away from the chaos and turn back toward each other. Over and over we had to hold onto each other, forgive each other, and help each other.
We were able to rely on me
My rituals and self talk. My circle and my angels. My practices and my exercises my inspiration. I knew I was where I was supposed to be even though it looked like failure from the outside.
Things got intense, outside factors came into play, we had to keep adjusting and regrouping and coming back again. We took turns sharing the burden, giving grace, and showing up for each other. But I was okay. I was managing.
I kept showing up, and doing what we needed, no matter how frustrating or demoralizing the lack of results. Just keep showing up.
Most of my life I have been physically self-reliant - requiring and asking for little help from anyone to get where I needed to go. Of course there are some exceptions, but I probably could have counted them all on one hand until this happened.
Suddenly community meant everything, and ours was crucial.
This experience? We had to ask for help from everyone.
Short version? Humbling.
What’s worse than having to face a situation over and over without a solution and needing to ask for help?
Not being able to ask for help (because you aren’t regulated, because you are frozen in fear, because your ego will not let you), and letting inaction choose for you.
I’ve done that before - let the chips fall where they will.
We were NOT taking that path this time.
This time, we showed up for every hard conversation, did all the required work, research, and tasks required to get us out whole, without an ongoing issue with our former landlord (because even they wanted to help us)!
It was a year of Humble Pie at every meeting, but we went, and it was worth it. And I made it because I was able to keep it together, stay calm, regulate myself, and think when it was most important to have a clear mind.
It had a powerfully positive impact on our outcome - though most people aren’t able to regulate themselves through the story long enough to see how it turned out (let alone the experience).
I knew entrepreneurship was not a straight line
I also knew I needed to believe in me enough for everyone because others cannot always find that ability to hope in crazy dreams. I needed to be secure in my ability to hold that vision.
I remain steadfast holding it. It will arrive in time, I know.
This is my path.
I had no idea life could change as quickly as it did for us over the last 24 months; and regardless, I am still confident this is supposed to be our path.
This is the way out for me, and I don’t love that it took this shape yet, but I learned something that I can take further than the bank:
I can count on me!
Like really count on me. I will figure it out.
I will laugh and find joy on the way, even in a really tight spot.
I am as resilient as anyone.
I can do something dreadfully difficult and still be nice to myself. It actually made the experience less traumatizing.
My grace included me, and him, and that mattered
I am stable.
I am successful.
I am not turning on myself because of perceived failings.
These are statements I didn’t know I would ever be able to say, and I am so grateful that I can.
I really want to just talk about it because the shame is a trap and we do not deserve to feel bad about failing in a game that is designed to take us down.
Selfie in New England before we left in 2025.
I feel the emotional burden in this photo.
My privilege mattered
People who face homelessness and eviction without my complexion, connections, & support are bad@sses.
Anyone who has done this has endured experiences that take superhuman abilities to try to integrate.
I cannot fathom the strength it takes to do that and prevail without help.
The idea of doing it without help is horrifying, and people do it all the time.
We never ended up in dire straits of the streets, but so many do.
Too many are out there now, as the nights get cold and the temperature drops get dangerous. My heart breaks for them.
Pulling yourself out of a tight spot from a tight spot when not getting a break from the tight spot can leave you feeling crazed. Trapped. Wondering how you can do it.
Judging those who are in that situation, facing it, contending with it, or threatened by it is cruel.
Should you find yourself in the situation where you are casting judgement, I recommend another approach.
Offer a prayer of gratitude that you are not facing it, and say one for them while you’re at it. Be the spiritual community they need.
Some people do not survive the crushing blow it brings.
That is tragic; this is why social safety nets are so important.
ESPECIALLY NOW, AS CHANGE COMES FOR ALL OF US.
We need to build a system that maintains us so we can live and thrive and create with joy as we were actually brought here to do.
This colonized, disconnected, capitalism-focused existence is just the worst.
Boo.
Community and connection will be our path to balance going forward, no doubt.
Feline Victory Laps
The cats wander around our new apartment, each claiming their own room, crowing loudly about how delighted they are to be here:
“THIS IS OUR PLACE WE CAN BE AS LOUD AS WE WANT AND WE DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE THE ROOM.”
“MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.”
Drexel feeling rawr-dy (rowdy).
Pic by author.
This story is still in progress
For me, success is standing on my own two feet in moments I need to be strong.
I struggled with an enmeshed family, bad boundaries, imbalanced relationships, and self sabotage the first half of my life.
Standing on my own, remaining whole, and loving myself throughout this experience has been such a gift, and such a balm through this trial - and a trial it is - I know it will end.
The only constant is change.
I know, I know.
Through it all, I am good.
Success is doing hard things until you got a better resolution that the one in front of you right now. It took a lot of work, dead ends, frustrating delays, exhausting days, managing of emotional waves, tending to fear when it showed up, allowing it to pass, to rest again and trust that I will indeed be okay.
That is success, for me. Not spiraling out in a crisis, or needing external support to manage my own emotional state.
So, no, this was not a story about my fabulous lifestyle that demonstrates my success in this lifetime.
It’s about how I am proud that I came home to myself during a really intense moment and how it helped me withstand the storm.
And what a storm it was, Dear Reader.
What a storm.
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